Jul 27, 2016

Allow me to begin by saying that I’m not referring to the occasional “bad hair” day whinges; I’m talking about the constant, circular themes of negativity that are pointless and downright draining – never mind boring. You know what I’m talking about: the “system” is unfair, so-and-so’s difficult and unreasonable, “they” don’t care about me, communication in the organisation is pathetic, I don’t get paid enough to put up with this type of thing…

In the Wall Street Journal (Updated Sept. 11, 2012) Sue Shellenbarger cites the annual Gallup poll conducted on 31,265 employees, as revealing that “some 18% of U.S. employees are "actively disengaged," negative and likely to complain about their employers.” This is very cancerous to the working environment and I think it should be nipped in the bud as it’s not helpful to either the individual or the organisation

So what can we do about it?

• The way I see it, we have to deal with it. Usually, the whinger wants to feel validated about their grumbles and seeks recognition. Empathy is a way to give them this validation about their feelings, without the agreement. Saying something like, “So they keep giving you stuff to do and you already have lots on your plate? That’s sounds challenging and may feel overwhelming. Have you spoken to the boss about helping you to prioritise your workload?”


• Secondly, since it’s negative, an approach that may work is to get them to consider whether there’s a positive in there somewhere. “So I’m hearing you say that you’re having a really tough day? Anything to look forward to in the next few days?” Or, “So you’re saying that this is never going to work, it’s been tried it before and it was a complete waste of time?” “Well we’ve been tasked to do it this way, so based on your experience, what should we take into consideration to try and be more successful this time around?”


• Finally, ask them whether this particular gripe is something that will still be relevant or upsetting in 5 years’ time? This helps to change their perspective and create a little distance between the event and their feelings.

Ultimately, the employee has the option of leaving the organisation. If they choose to stay, then you can see that they need to be encouraged to take responsibility for their situation. Help with having these conversations comes from several courses on offer at New Horizons Learning Centres, such as How to Handle Difficult People, Advanced Communication Skills and Assertiveness At Work.